On Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
{Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!}

On a bag of chips:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
{Hmmm... must be a shoplifter's special!}

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
{And that would be how?}

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
{You don't HAVE to defrost it, it's just a suggestion!}

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box):
"Do not turn upside down."
{Oops, too late! You lose!}

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
{Are you sure? Let's experiment.}

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
{But wouldn't that save more time?}

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
"Do not drive car or operate machinery."
{We could do a lot to reduce accidents if we just kept those 5-yr-olds out of cars & off of those fork lifts.}

On Nytol sleep aid:
"Warning: may cause drowsiness."
{One can only hope!}

On a Korean kitchen knife:
"Warning: Keep out of children."
{Did something get lost in translation?...}

On a string of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
{As opposed to use in... outer space?}

On a food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
{Now I'm curious.}

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: Contains nuts."
{What? No peas?}

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
{Somebody was paid the big bucks to write this one...}

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands."
{Raise your hand if you've tried this...}

On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
{That's right, just like the clothing manufacturers to spoil all the fun by destroying a universal childhood belief.}